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Suicide

We stood there,

Staring at you,

With several questions in our heads.

Why had you done what you had?

Who did what wrong?

Why didn’t you talk to anyone about your worries?

Why didn’t you seek help?

Were we insensitive? Were we rude?

Was help not available to you when you needed it?

But all answers in vain.

We’d lost you.

We stood there,

Wondering if we’d just done something maybe things would’ve been different.

Anything at all.

Just because your parents gave birth to you,

A son,

They gave themselves the authority to dictate your life.

Your mother told you, “Be more like your father- manly and aspire to do something big.”

Your father told you to be an engineer because being an engineer,

Is expected to give you power,

To make you a man.

Your interests in music, in art and drama,

Were not encouraged,

Only because they believed that those were for the weak,

They were feminish and would lead to no money and to no power.

They resented the fact that you played the guitar,

And that you sang,

You acted

And enjoyed art.

They gave you no support.

They made you hate yourself,

Hate all that you could do.

And now your parents are just a couple with no child,

And you are to blame.

By age seventeen,

You’d seen domestic violence

And you’d been beaten,

With the intention of breaking your will,

So that you’d listen to them,

And ”man up”.

You tried to resist but it was no good.

You’d then lost control over yourself,

Walking along a path that left you feeling lost,

Filling you with self- hate.

You desperately wanted to get away from the pain,
to block it out.

You wanted a space that you could call home,

A place where you were accepted for who you were,

Where you felt safe.

But happiness, joy and perfection are all an illusion in the real world.

It is unfair.

You were a kid,

Left alone in this world,

To fend for yourself,

To live to be accepted by everyone.

The world is to blame.

It made you someone you hate.

It made you lose faith and hope in yourself,

In this world.

You’d accepted it all.

And you chose to end it all,

“Didn’t even make it to his eighteenth birthday”, Sighed the people.

But what has age got to do with any of this?

We live in a world where people give in to suicide as an escape,

Because living has become the biggest source of pain.

Why do we never realize our mistakes?
Why do we only learn when it’s too late?

The local daily reported your death as just another death,

Blaming it on drugs and alcohol and mental ill health.

Your death to world will be just another statistic,

Not a sign post urging us to change our ways.