A Letter To My Younger Self

self love blog

Dear Shriya,

I’ve written this letter several times before and I have realised that there’s actually many things I want to tell you. To begin with I never thought it’d be so hard to write to myself. Getting to the point, I really wish I could teach you everything I knew now so you’d be prepared for all the pain and the downs. I know that this letter in reality is of no use because there’s no way you can read this, because Shriya you are no longer a small girl, you’ve grown up to be this adult who thinks way too much, who has been hurt a lot, who tends to get anxious over the pettiest of issues and an adult who cries herself to sleep. Nevertheless, you’re a strong and mature adult now. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be okay but I’m going to be honest, it’s not always going to be okay. You will face a lot of difficulties, ups with downs, battles, heart breaks, and a lot of things you generally may not like.

This letter is to that girl that I let down, the one whose heart and confidence I broke along with the world. I know you felt hurt, felt different, I know it better than anyone who says they do because I was you. I’m sorry for not standing up for you, I’m sorry for calling you a crazy freak, a bitch and for telling you and making you believe that you didn’t deserve to be treated right and didn’t deserve the good. I’m sorry for listening to the world and not to you. You were just a little girl who wanted to explore the world and find herself, but I repeatedly broke you down, I tore you apart and told you repeatedly that you were nothing but stupid. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do anything to tell you how much I mean it. But you’ve always been a strong girl. You’ve gotten past those math tests that you failed and not let those scores ultimately determine your worth. You’ve gotten past the people nagging you, telling you repeatedly that you are a pain. I’m sorry for believing them and for thinking of you as a pain. That’s one thing you will never be. I know I kept that you were absolutely weird because you weren’t as tall as the other girls in high school, as pretty as the other girls in high school and as talented as the others in high school. I know I hated you for being flawed but I really don’t anymore. Those scars that I detested back then, I wear with pride now.

I’ll be honest here, I have had nothing against you. You were me and you still are me and you will always be a part of me. But it is just that I let what people said to be the only way one could live in this world. I was made to believe that you need to be thin, tall, coated with layers of makeup to be beautiful. I used to think that having a scar meant you were weak but no, having a scar only means you’re really really strong. I really couldn’t appreciate you, because society wouldn’t let me. It’s because society told me that you weren’t worthy enough to be appreciated.

I’m sorry for hurting you repeatedly. You are an extremely strong and beautiful person. You are my inspiration. And I want you to know that it is absolutely worth holding on because one day I will make you proud. One day, you will make yourself proud.