Warning: Do not read this if you have strong nationalist and patriotic feelings and cannot handle the truth about India.

Let’s face it, most of us Indians should be hanged for butchering English day in and day out and this is going by what many of us say,”that person should be hanged to death, he doesn’t speak (an) Indian language the way it should be spoken.”

The around 200 years of Colonial rule and exploitation left us so hungry that we began eating articles​, words and apostrophes apart from eating heads.

In India, “I am suppose(d) to visit my brother(‘s) house in (the) area,” is a perfectly acceptable sentence.

And when it comes to eating heads, you needn’t be a non vegetarian.

All across the world you are either a vegetarian or a meat eater but in India you are either a vegetarian or a non vegetarian.

Here one of the first questions we are asked is,”Are you veg or non veg?” Preferably the first question has to be-“What is your name?” And once the ice is broken we can move on to more personal questions like,”Do you have any habits?” Which simply means- “do you smoke or drink?” Oh that reminds me, when in India a person gets drunk, we get ‘tight’ and if asked if we passed out after drinking too much, people tend to take offence because it is interpreted as a question to do with graduation, well because in India we don’t ‘graduate’ we ‘pass out’ of an educational institution.

Indians just seem to be very creative with words and their usage in such a way that they would have completely different meanings. For instance, in Tamil Nadu, the term ‘matter’ refers to an adult movie. And in families, the wives of two brothers would refer to each other as a ‘co- sister’s rather than ‘sister-in-law’ whose plural is ‘sisters-in-law’ and not ‘sister-in-laws’. Not to forget that terms like week-after-next or week-before-last or even fortnight rarely find a place in an Indian’s dictionary because we use terms like next-to-next week or last-to-last week, whose usage would be said to be acceptable because the mean the same anyway.

Over the years, we’ve founded our own branch of ‘Inglish’ because of local needs. We’ve indeed enriched the language by adding several words to the dictionary like, karma, guru, curry, avatar and many more. No doubt that Indians speak better English than most people in other parts of the world and we don’t forget to humour ourselves with sentences like “I talk, you talk, why you middle-middle talk?”

Anyways a little fun can’t do any harm because whose father’s what goes?