Shhhhh, The Princess would like to address the crowd
Thanks Mario! I guess
For fighting all those wizards and riding on the backs of dolphins and travelling such long distances to save me.
You keep saying it was a lot of hard work, how you almost lost your life for which I should be grateful
But from where I look at it, at you, it seemed like a lot of fun.
But what do I know?
Like a kitten stranded on the highest branch of a tree
What do I know because I sit in this fucking castle guarded by that fire breathing dragon for however long it takes for your slow shit ass to get past that stupid flying level. Because all I want to do is get married and step into another level of isolation (called matrimony) with you annoying prick, you whose brother wears the same clothes except in different colours, like twin babies.
I don’t have time for you, I’m busy filing my taxes, because I’m a princess and make more money than you do.
But I’ll definitely call you; when I need my toilet unclogged.
I’m not your princess,
I might be busy getting ready to take over throne, to rule an entire country.
I’m busy, Mario
I’ve got phone calls to make and emails to send.
Did you really think I was trapped by Bowser?
I hired Bowser because I’m too busy to reject you at the door
And you think that I need your help, I need you every time I don’t answer.
Can’t a woman just get some alone time to deal with her shit?
Body shaming, gender roles, mother hood, the fact that she can’t wear anything she likes.
You ride a dinosaur that comes in more colours than my inner wear ever will.
Oh wait, no, in more colours than my lingerie ever will.
Will I ever get to ride a dinosaur?
Will I ever get to ride anything but you?
I don’t know. I probably will, because I want to and because I can.
You don’t deserve me.
You don’t even know who you are.
I should have stayed with bowser, because he knew he was a monster.
He at least wasn’t some fucktard, who thought human decency is foreplay.
You’re nothing but that toxic boyfriend, who’ll buy me dinner and call me a bitch when I refuse to serve him peach for dinner.
You are that asshole on the street whose smile creeps me and gives me. Goosebumps.
You are this entire goddamned country where it is legal for men to rape their wives
I don’t need you
No girl needs you
Sorry (Not Sorry) to break it to you,
But what people have told you is a lie.
No one needs you.