Ex- best friend,
It’s been approximately two years since we last spoke, since the day you asked me not to talk to you and when I asked why you ignored me.
It puts tears in my eyes when I think of you.
I miss saying that you are my best friend and I hate to have to think of you as my ex- best friend.
It’s been two years now, approximately two years now since you became my ex- best friend and I still have some unanswered questions and somethings I want to tell you.
I really want to know what made you unhappy with being my best friend.
I want to know what I did that made you push me away like this.
I want to know what happened that made you break your promise of always being there for me and being my best friend forever.
I sometimes wonder if I was being too clingy, too annoying and if I made a mistake.
I know for a fact that I’m partly to blame for all this pain and sadness.
I get too emotionally attached to people and these emotions detach me from reality, from rational thoughts and from beliefs like people can hurt, people can leave and that people will not always care.
I honestly hate these emotions, they clog my mind and don’t let me think rationally. And after this, reality is garbage, I choke on it.
But I also think that you are extremely immature, because you were unable to tell me what happened that led to this change.
You are so immature that you thought it better to just cut me off and to pretend like we never knew eachother.
Why couldn’t you just tell me what I was doing wrong?
I’m definitely not as immature as you are, I would’ve understood and changed.
Was it me or was it you? – Will be the eternal question.
But dear best friend, bro, you idiotic jackass, if you’re listening then listen to this as well. I do not hate you and I don’t think I ever can.
It’s not because I love you so much or anything, it’s because you gave me so much.
You didn’t give me anything material or tangible, but you gave me support to stand up when I saw no strength in me or my legs. You showed me the right path when I was doing everything wrong. You put strength in my bones. You told me repeatedly, with all the patience in the world that I’m unique and that I should work, try and figure out what I enjoy and what I’m really good at.
I believed what you said then and I still believe that what I listened to will do me good, so here I am, trying to figure out what I’m made for.
And I must confess that I haven’t been happier before.
Thank you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give back how much you gave me.
But if one day you come up to me and say, “Hey I want to talk”. I’ll be all ears, like nothing ever happened between us.
I have always and will always love you.